


Sake of Tradition

by buccellati



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Crushes, Engagement, Fluff, Fluff without Plot, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 05:18:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7671595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buccellati/pseuds/buccellati
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Since their Starfleet Academy days (which now seem farther away than ever), Leonard McCoy and James Kirk have had one rule in their relationship, whether it’s a friendship or ever moves on to something further. They covered all their bases.</p><p>[ Based on this tumblr post: http://peachkissing.tumblr.com/post/55738955355/ ]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sake of Tradition

Since their Starfleet Academy days (which now seem farther away than ever), Leonard McCoy and James Kirk have had one rule in their relationship, whether it’s a friendship or ever moves on to something further. They covered all their bases.

They swore on it, back in the first semester. Crossed their hearts, hoped to die. Stick a needle in their eyes.

The rule was simple. Whenever they wanted- provided they asked first, to prevent certain activities from being interrupted- one could visit the other’s dorm in the middle of the night. When someone couldn’t sleep. When someone was lonely. When someone had juicy gossip that absolutely couldn’t wait any longer. It didn’t matter. But nothing said during that time could be repeated, period. Ever. Unless it was in another such session- the two of them, alone, at three o’clock in the morning- the words would never reach the air again.

When the two graduated, the tradition continued. And it was a tradition now, occasionally accompanied by alcohol or midnight snacks, but always personal, just the two of them. They didn’t always talk about grave topics; sometimes it was trivia.

_I hate ketchup. (“Really?” “Yes! It’s disgusting.”)_

_Remember I said that the first time I broke a bone, it was in a bar fight? (“Like it was yesterday.”) I fell out of a tree. Still the same age. (“You’re shitting me.” “No! I’m serious!”)_

Sometimes a bit more serious.

_I don’t know if my dad would be proud of me._

_I have dreams where you never woke up. (“You were the one who brought me back.” “I know.”)_

The next day, it’s like nothing ever happened. It always is. Sometimes there are glances, reassuring pats on the shoulder or back, nothing that the rest of the crew ever recognizes. That was part of the rule, too. Don’t act different the next day. Everything said during that time only exists during that time. They slip up, sometimes- a solemn grip on the shoulder the morning after a particularly sad confession, or a comical raising of eyebrows and tilting of the head towards something (or someone) the morning after an embarrassing confession.

Over coffee one night, Bones asks exactly how long have they been doing this, anyway?

“At least, uh…” Kirk counts on his fingers. “We’re a year and a half into the mission, right?” A year and a half, and Kirk finally knows all the intricate details of the ship, knows what spot on the bed in the captain’s quarters is the most comfortable. Which spot on the bridge gets a nasty draft that leaves you with goosebumps. “So we met at the academy what, six years ago? There’s your answer.”

“Check that math again. Six years?” Bones is staring off into space, mouthing dates like he’s trying desperately to prove his captain’s subtraction wrong.

“Six too many if you ask me.” Jim smiles, punches the doctor on the shoulder.

“Amen to that,” Bones grumbles, but turns back to look at Kirk, his expression growing more serious. Jim is a little nervous, he knows that look. Braces himself for what he’ll hear.

“What you said five years ago, Jim...I don’t suppose that’s still true?”

It takes Kirk a minute to remember. He was shirtless, kicked out of a girl’s room, taking a screwed up kind of walk of shame through the dorms to Bones’ room. She had wanted something tangible, a relationship, not just sex, and Kirk wasn’t- he couldn’t- something was missing. He said it was him, not her. It was her. He had lied.

Bones had asked him what was wrong. Jim said he didn’t know.

_Jim, we both know that’s bullshit._

He had hesitated. Almost didn’t say it. Five years later- he thought Bones had forgotten.

_Bones, I think I’m in love with you._

Five years later, Kirk doesn’t even have an answer. Looking at Bones- they’re friends. They’ve been friend for six years. It hurts to think about life without him, hurts like being punched in the chest. Like having the wind knocked out of him. How many times over those five years had Leonard picked up Kirk’s remains after another nasty bar fight, pulled him kicking out of the establishment, cleaned up his cuts and scrapes while he grumbled about how he would have won, eventually? Ordering water for him at the bar because he knew the man was already a mess. Didn’t want him hungover for their nine AM class. How many times has Kirk done the same for his doctor? The man was a divorcee. Loved a good drink, maybe a little too much. How many times did they sit at the bar together, drinking water, thinking about their plans for the future and never about the past?

Five years ago, Kirk had no one. Barely knew who he was. Joined Starfleet on a dare. Was in love with his best friend.

Now, he has his crew. Spock. Uhura. Still figuring out who he is. Likes being in Starfleet, likes being a captain. But in love with his best friend?

He doesn’t know.

“How about you ask me again in two years, huh?”

* * *

In the captain’s quarters, the night the Enterprise takes flight again after the encounter with Krall’s bees, McCoy knocks on Kirk’s door.

“Jim?”

“Come on in.” The door is unlocked and slides open at the doctor’s touch. Kirk is sitting at a desk, the clock on it reading 02:43. Two o’clock in the morning, and the two of them are wide awake.

Leonard has a bottle of Romulan ale, sets it down lightly on the captain’s desk. The new Enterprise has captain’s quarters laid out just the same, if not a bit shinier. Bones is grateful. Heaven only knows how long it took him to learn his way around the ship the first time.

“What’s the cause for celebration?”

“Eight years we’ve known each other. Feels like yesterday.” Bones shakes his head, points to the bottle. “Nothing like Romulan ale to make you forget how old you are.”

“To the day, eight years?”

 

“Hell no. You think I remember what day? All I remember is I almost had to be sedated on that shuttle. Now I’ve been living in a tin can hurtling in space for three years.”

Kirk laughs. “And you’re still alive!”

“That’s because unlike _someone_ in this room, I don’t do stupid shit and almost get killed every four days.”

“Bones, you flatter me. I haven’t almost gotten killed in a few months. And almost is thanks to you.” The two are sitting side by side on the bed now, ale unopened but sitting calm as if waiting for the right moment to become relevant. Kirk digs a friendly elbow into the doctor’s side, smirks.

“I can’t believe you still call me that.”

“What, Bones? It’s great! Our own little thing.”

McCoy rolls his eyes, but Kirk knows it’s in jest. He probably loves that nickname, Jim thinks. Because it _is_ their own little thing. Something no one else does. Something they’ve had for eight years.

The conversation stalls for a minute. Kirk knows Bones must have come for a reason- no one just happens upon the captain’s quarters at three o’clock in the morning. Just when he’s going to say something to break the silence-

“Right, this is the part where we’ll need this.” Bones stands, moves to the desk to pick up the ale. He sits back on the bed rather unceremoniously, not making eye contact with Kirk. It’s weird, the captain thinks. McCoy isn’t one to skirt around things normally, so why now?

“It’s been two years, Jim.”

“Since?” Kirk is, unsurprisingly, completely lost.

“You told me to ask you again in two years. Don’t tell me you forgot.”

Ask again in two years?

Oh. Oh, _fuck_.

“For an old man, you’ve got a good memory.”

Bones looks tired. Kirk realizes, suddenly, that it is almost three o’clock in the morning. And neither of them have slept. The doctor looks like he hasn’t slept in a week.

_Bones, I think I’m in love with you._

Kirk hasn’t been involved with anyone in years. Can’t bring himself to do it. In his head, he’s married to his work, to his ship. No time for a relationship. Can’t afford to let feelings cloud his judgement, he rationalizes, but they do anyway. He relives the moment he felt his heart stop, then restart as Bones was beamed onto the Franklin for the first time. Relives the moment, where, inside the bee that the doctor was piloting, the two made eye contact again and it felt like his stomach would fall straight out of his body. He almost died, just a minute ago, felt himself pulled out into space and then he was there. Him and Spock.

Back in the present, the captain realizes he’s been holding his breath.

_I think I’m in love with you._

Spock is a good friend. Better than most. And Kirk more than respects him, he would crash and burn without him. The vulcan knows this. Kirk died by Spock’s side, once.

Bones is a best friend. Unmistakeably. The person to smuggle him onto the Enterprise, the first face Kirk saw when he was brought back to life. Bones reminds Kirk of Earth. His faint Southern drawl reminds him of home. Reminds him of his roots. Of crashing his stepfather’s car. Everything good in his life that’s happened so far, Kirk thinks, Bones was there.

The shuttle to Starfleet Academy. Their late night study sessions. Late night confessions. The Kobayashi Maru. Graduating from Starfleet. His most recent birthday, and all the other birthdays they had shared together.

_In love with you._

_I don’t suppose that’s still true?_

Kirk knows the answer without having to think about it much longer. Feels like he’s always known the answer.

“It’s true, Bones.”

* * *

“For an old man, you’ve got a good memory.”

A good memory, maybe, but McCoy feels like his old man heart could just stop beating at any moment. He’s felt that way for the last two years, hoping that James would come to him, put him out of the misery of waiting. But he never did.

It isn’t two years to the day. McCoy has no idea when that would be. But on the night of the new Enterprise’s maiden voyage, it just feels right.

A new chapter. With old questions.

Bones’s facade is holding up well. The captain, beside him, is staring at his feet- no, not at them, through them. Concentrating on things that happened years ago. Things that happened weeks ago. Things that have yet to happen. And in the meantime, the doctor is shaking inside like a baby rattle.

No one ever expects it of him. The gruff, matter-of-fact doctor, thinking of love so tenderly. So carefully. Like the very concept is an egg that’ll break. He can’t exactly help it- if he loves someone, why not be good to them? Why not try to do your best, even when you can’t do much? The person you love, Bones knows, deserves that much.

Leonard McCoy is in love with James T. Kirk. He isn’t sure how it happened. On the shuttle to Starfleet Academy? No. “I might throw up on you” wasn’t the most romantic line he could have come up with. He had never been like Jim at the academy, never slept around, never spent nights hiding under girls’ beds until their roommates left. Was it because he got divorced already? Maybe. He was tired of love. Used Starfleet as a way to get away from the whole mess. Just his luck that Jim Kirk was at Starfleet.

The man radiated positivity. Energy. Never studied; he didn’t have to, the boy was a genius. He fucked around, both literally and figuratively. He’s a bit more muted now, as if the years in space have gotten to him. Hasn’t been with anyone in years- or, that’s what Bones thinks. What if he _has_? What if he’s been seeing someone for ages, since the Academy, but it’s been secret and McCoy is about to experience the biggest letdown of-

He takes a deep breath.

_Bones, I think I’m in love with you._

How was he supposed to brush something like that off, just like that? Bones was the one who smuggled Jim onto the Enterprise, drugged him until he nearly went into anaphylactic shock. He was the one who took Khan’s blood out of the vial with a syringe, steady hands, and a shaky everything else. How could he know if it would work on normal humans? He had no idea. He might never see his best friend alive again.

_I think I’m in love with you._

What if he had been, all that time, but he had stayed dead?

Spock is a good friend, now more than ever before. He’ll insult him to his face, play up the facade, but the man has a steady mind and heart that Bones admires. The doctor respects him, knows the Enterprise would crash and burn without him.

Jim is a best friend. Unmistakeably. The only person he’d smuggle onto a starship, the only person he went thirty-six hours without sleep for to try and bring back to life. Jim reminds McCoy of home. He doesn’t quite know where that is- not Earth anymore, at this point- but as best as he can figure, it’s wherever Kirk is. The one constant of the last eight years. The only thing that keeps him grounded in a flying tin can of death hurdling through space.

_In love with you._

Kirk is still quiet. Almost unbearably so. Bones has to say something, save himself any more embarrassment-

“It’s true, Bones.”

The doctor feels the floor drop out from under him.

He opens the top to the ale slowly, passes the bottle to Jim.

“Right, then.”

“Bones-”

The doctor turns to his captain, doesn’t say anything at first. Then- their faces are drifting closer. Bones is sure he must look like a ghost, like he can’t really believe this is happening, _eight years_ -

“Can I?” Kirk asks, an inch from Bones’s face, and the man melts. He's reckless, non-linear, but nothing if not polite. The doctor barely breathes out _yes_ before he closes the gap, his lips meeting his captain’s, his eyes closing, the image burned into his brain.

* * *

“Do we tell them?”

Bones just woke up, and with fog in his brain, is still too groggy to answer the question. Sitting up in Jim’s bed with a cup of coffee, hair sticking up in every direction, the man is the definition of disheveled.

“Ask me again when I’m awake.”

Kirk, comfortable in pajama pants, is up on his feet already, silently taking in the view of his best friend in his bed. He pinches himself on the arm to make sure it’s not a dream- the stinging of his skin tells him that it’s not. It’s strange, but a good kind of strange, he thinks. Before last night he never would have thought any of this to be possible. Now it seems weird thinking of things any other way.

“Since when were you an early bird?” McCoy looks almost impressed, glancing back and forth between the captain and the clock on the desk.

“The more time I’m awake, the more time I get to spend with you,” Kirk replies, almost effortlessly. It surprises him how easily the words come. Of course, he did spent all of his academy days flirting, but...this is different, somehow. It’s Bones.

“My God,” Bones replies, rolling his eyes as if to say _you’re so embarrassing!_ “Is this the bedside manner they never taught me about in medical school?” Despite his grumpy attitude, the doctor’s ears burning bright red give him away. He stands, putting his coffee down on the bedside table and stretching before joining the captain at his side.

“We can tell them if you want,” McCoy continues, his tone more sincere. “Or not. Up to you, Jim.”

Kirk shakes his head. “They’ll figure it out soon enough if we don’t tell them.”

“You think we’d be that bad at hiding it?”

“Do you really _want_ to hide it?”

At that, Bones’s slight smile he’d been wearing since he woke up grew until it lit up his face. “Cut the shit, Jim, you know the answer to that one.”

He’s right, Kirk thinks, he does know the answer. Why bother hiding it? Spock and Uhura don’t hide their relationship. Sulu and Ben are inseparable whenever the Enterprise makes a stop at Yorktown. Why should it be any different with him and Bones? Sure, maybe it’s not exactly the same. He’s the captain. Has to set a good example for the crew. But...

“Sounds like great minds think alike, doctor.”

He’s sure the crew won’t mind.

The two never formally announce what they have, but it’s obvious nonetheless. There’s more touching- as if they can’t survive for long without contact. A hand on the other man’s shoulder or back. Hands touching as they walk by, a subtle movement that causes their faces to light up. More eye contact- they had had a lot before, always making wordless jokes or comments with their eyes, but now it’s different. Looks of _do you have any plans for later? You would know if I did. You better not make any then because tonight I’m going to…_

Spock is the first to notice, but says nothing out loud. In private, he pulls McCoy aside one day, into a room in the hallway where no one will hear. Offers him his congratulations.

“You _noticed?_ ”

“Of course I noticed. It is unusual for you and the captain to act so acquainted in public.”

The doctor doesn’t really know what to say. He stands there for a minute, blinking, because he’s never had to deal with something like this before. Never been in a relationship with someone on board before. Never wanted to, just Jim-

Finally, he finds words.

“Thanks, Spock. I mean it.”

The vulcan nods. “As for the rest of the crew, do you wish-” Bones shakes his head, cuts him off. Knows what he’s going to say. “You can tell them.”

Spock turns to walk away, then stops in the doorway and turns around. “Doctor McCoy?”

“Spock?”

“I wish you and the captain the very best.” He sounds genuine, the doctor thinks, and smiles as the man walks through the door.

News travels quickly through the ship. What was a secret two days ago, Bones finds, is common knowledge now. Walking the hallways, hands on each other’s backs, the two get nods. Smiles. Bones isn’t used to it, he says to Kirk when they’re alone, but he could be.

“You will be,” the captain reassures him. “Don’t worry about it.”

* * *

“Has it really been five years?”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Jim, we’ve got one more day out here. Who knows, we could...run into some kind of surprise black hole and get sucked in and destroyed. Fly into a cloud of...something that cripples the ship and strands us here. Don’t count your chickens.”

“That’s the Bones I know.” Kirk and Bones, assembled with the crew on the bridge, watch as the stars zip by. En route to Earth, their five year mission over, the crew is equal parts nostalgic and excited.

“Just know, darlin'?” The doctor gives his captain a smile, the same smile he’s been giving him for the last two and a half years. A smile that says _come on, Jim. Gimme a little more than that._

Kirk squirms, drops his voice to a whisper, tries to look serious but can’t help smiling too. “Come on, Bones, the whole crew’s here.”

“They’ve been here for five years, Jim.”

“Right. That’s the Bones I know,” the captain smiles wider, turning to face McCoy, “and love. Happy?”

“You know it.”

Their faces move together without even having to think about it. After two and a half years, somehow, every kiss still feels special, soft lips of the captain meeting the rougher lips of the doctor. The pair can feel the gaze of crew members on their backs and separate, still reluctantly after all this time. Though years older, they feel younger than ever. And despite Bones’ badmouthing the whole experience of being in space, he hopes deep down that they’ll send the Enterprise out again, boldly going into the stars for another year or five. As long as Jim Kirk is there beside him.

The crew spends the night celebrating with drinks, with Scotty telling some of the newer members the story- grossly exaggerated- of how he and Kirk met. Kirk, with Spock at his side, is leaning on the back of the couch, the two correcting Mr. Scott’s story whenever necessary. They argue over details until Jim gives up, throwing his hands up in surrender and mock annoyance though not without laughter in his eyes. Chekov is flirting with a pretty alien girl in the corner- he’s older now, visibly, than he was five years ago, and for once it really looks like he’s getting somewhere. He takes the girl’s hand in his own and Bones, somewhere not so deep down, feels proud. Chekov is family now, and he wants only the best for him. They make eye contact, and Bones gives a slight nod and a smile, watching with a light heart as the young man’s eyes light up.

The rest of the day passes by too quickly, until Kirk is sitting alone in the captain’s quarters, looking out his window at the stars while his clock blinks 02:00 behind him. He isn’t sure where McCoy is but he’s not worrying about it- plenty of the crew are still socializing, reveling in their last couple of hours before they dock back on Earth, their five-year mission officially over.

There’s a knock on the door. “Jim?”

“You know you don’t have to knock, Bones.”

The door slides open and shut, and McCoy enters, with a bag in his hand and a tired smile on his face. “I wanted to. For old time’s sake.”

“What, our old confession nights?”

“That’s where all this started, isn’t it? Figured it’d be nice to bring the tradition back for a night.”

“Can’t really argue with that.” Bones sits down on the edge of the bed, with Kirk following, landing a kiss on the doctor’s cheek before sitting beside him. “What’s in the bag?”

 

“Romulan ale,” the doctor replies with a grin, pulling the bottle out of the bag and shoving the bag behind him. It still looks like it’s got something inside- Kirk can’t really tell. He’s certainly not about to ask. It can’t possibly be that important anyway.

“Just like that night-” Bones continues, and Kirk makes the connection finally, his smile widening and showing his teeth. “Yes! I remember. We didn’t even start drinking it until the night was almost over.”

“Well, here’s to not doing that bit again.” The doctor nods, lining up two small glasses on the captain’s desk and pouring ale into each one. He hands one glass to Kirk, who holds it up.

“I’d like to propose a toast,” he’s looking into empty space, feigning talking to a big crowd, but glances down at McCoy to wink.

“A toast to…” Bones looks entirely lost.

“To us. To two and a half years, right?”

“Two and a half years.” The doctor raises his glass, shaking his head like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. “Feels like a lifetime already. To us,” he repeats, then nods, clinking his glass against Jim’s.

“Feels like a lifetime in a good way, or a bad way?” The captain, having downed his glass of ale quickly, sets it down and focuses his attention back on McCoy, genuinely curious. He did mean in a good way, right?

“Of course.” There’s no joking around this time, just a sincere answer, the doctor looking at him with warmth and love in eyes and nothing else.

There’s a silence between them for some time, as they pour more ale and gaze out the window at the stars still passing. Jim’s head is resting on McCoy’s shoulder, and though time is surely still passing around them, the two feel like they could stay that way forever.

Forever lasts for another few minutes. The doctor stands, taking the bag off the bed, turning his back to Jim. The captain is confused for a minute- did he take something out of there? Something to put in his pocket, or- no, probably not.

McCoy is still standing in front of Kirk, sitting on the bed with a confused expression.

“Jim, I need to thank you.” Bones is strangely serious. Not cold, but definitely serious- like what he’s saying has grave importance. Kirk is equal parts confused and intrigued.

“For what?”

“Everything. You know- I had nothing when we met each other on that shuttle. Scared out of my goddamn mind. I only joined Starfleet because I had nowhere else to go.” He stops, as if continuing is hard. “I stayed because I had something to stick around for. For you.”  
Jim doesn’t know what to say. It’s too heartfelt to be just a talk, he knows that. So what’s going on? It- they can’t be breaking up. Not after what Bones is saying. So…

“I know it’s still confession time, but...any way we can make an exception for this next bit?”

Kirk is completely lost. “Sure, Bones. Anything you want.”

 

“James Tiberius Kirk,” Bones lowers to the floor- onto one knee- pulling something small out of his left pocket. It’s a box.

Kirk feels his heart jump into his throat. There’s no way, he can’t be- this isn’t- there are so many thoughts jumping around in his brain at the same time he can hardly keep his attention on what’s happening in front of him.

Leonard McCoy, on one knee on Kirk’s bedroom floor, opens the box slowly and delicately. The ring inside isn’t big or elaborate, but it sparkles in the light from the ceiling and it’s the most beautiful thing Jim has ever seen.

“Will you marry me?”

Kirk doesn’t mean to hesitate, but looking into Bones’s eyes, he can’t make words come. There’s just love there, filling his brown eyes until it seems like it’ll overflow. All at once, the gravity of what just happened falls on Kirk and he realizes _yes, you have to say it out loud, say it, yes, yes, yes._

“Yes. Yes, a thousand times yes,” Kirk breathes out, stumbling off of the bed and into Bones’s arms as the doctor stands to meet him. They stay there for a moment in their embrace, then turn their faces to kiss and stay there for what feels like hours, their lips meeting. When they break apart, they slip the engagement rings on each other’s hands, Kirk’s hands shaking while Bones’s (always a doctor) are steady.

“What the hell, Bones,” Kirk manages to get out when he learns how to form sentences again, “when did you sneak away and get this?”

“Shore leave,” the doctor replies simply, and leans in as the captain’s lips reach for his again, until Jim breaks the kiss suddenly to turn his face away from his new fiancee, trying to subtly wipe away the happy tears that formed in his eyes-

“My god, Jim, are you crying?”

“No!” He sounds strangled and teary, and McCoy starts laughing, a heartfelt thing that bubbles up from chest until it’s filling the entire quarters. “You’re going to wake someone up with that, you know.”

“Believe me, it’s worth it.”

By the end of the night, the two have left the bottle of wine virtually untouched, fueled now only by their happiness and love for each other. They decide not to have sex, not tonight. It’s a big day tomorrow, full of questions from the public and of discussions with Starfleet and interactions with strangers and they have to make sure they get sleep- any sleep they still can get by going to bed at nearly 04:00. With the lights off, they don’t talk to each other. They don’t have to. Just thinking about everything they’ve gone through while they try to fall asleep is enough.

 _Bones, I think I’m in love with you_. How many years has it been now? Silently, the two decide it doesn’t matter. It feels like it’s been that way forever. Feels like it’s going to stay that way.

They definitely hope it stays that way.

**Author's Note:**

> this might be terrible but it was burning a hole in my google docs for days...i just really wanted to write something based on that prompt/idea. i am getting I♥MCKIRK tattooed on my knuckles


End file.
